Sky cake full transcript

 

Am an atheist and I love religion ,I really do  and I don't love religion in a snarky mean spirited way,I unabashedly sincerely love that we have religion,because if we we didn't we wouldn't be here right now being all post modern and ironic.There would be no civilization, if no one invented religion we would be fucked right now,because at the dawn of man civilization was the biggest and the strongest and thats as far as we where gona go ,who ever was the biggest fucked,killed,ate anyone they wanted. That was it ,civilization was a huge psychopath with a club going ,I am gonna have rape for dinner!That was it ,that's as far as we were gonna go and then one of my ancestors ,some weakling ,said "look there is no way I can beat that guy ,but what if I trick him into thinking that if he doesn't kill and rape people while he is down here,when he dies there is a magic city in the clouds and he can go up and have all the cake he wants".Now that's not a very well formed plan ,but he went and told the big psycho and the psycho heard that and said "hmmm I like cake"..........BOOOOM!There you go that was the beginning of civiliasation  ,now we can work on fire , writing and agriculture ,that's religion the old sky cake dodge,it worked! Things were great for a while ,but then what was happening was ,that shit was going on all over the planet,they would just use different deserts, they would tell them about sky cookies or sky pies or sky balaclavas. So each of these civilizations  as they grew ,they would build ships and visit each other, then the one guy would get off the boat and go , "hey did you hear the good news about the sky balaclavas" and the first guy went "its cake motherfucker ,you're dead" and then oh my god there were the desert wars! It was a nightmare ........they were just killing people ,it got so bad that now and then some dude would show up and go hey I've got good news , "there's cake,pie and cookies for everyone ,we can all share", and people said "nailed him to a fucken cross, it is only cake,oh my god the only way sky cake tastes good  is if up in the sky ,the sky cookie and sky pie people cant have sky pie or cookies! That's the only way sky cake tastes good,I did not spend my life, not raping and killing people, too not go up in the sky and have cake,SKY CAKE!".SO the next time a religious person is in ur face just go :Oh sky cake why are you so delicious! 

messi the last football bender

                                   

"Brazil. France. Italty. Spain. Long ago, the four nations played football in harmony. Then, everything changed when the German Nation attacked. Only Neymar, the best player, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he broke his back. Two days have passed and my brother and I discovered a player, an Argentinian named Messi. And although his dribbling skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Messi can win the World Cup."


for the loz!