So its exam time :( which means bye bye friends ,tv shows and social life

Now as the end of the semester rolls by,all those sleepless nights spent watching tv shows and partaking in milk of the poppy(getting drunk a.k.a white boy wasted)  instead of reading my books are starting to catch up to me.Trying to go Super Saiyan on my books for the last two weeks before the exams inorder to make up for what was meant to be three months of steadying and consistent hard work is seeming rather fruitless and college will probably do what it does best:bending me over and making me its bitch.Ever been in one of those tests that you knows you are totally gona go tits up cause you didn't study but the first question is expand (1+x)(2-x) and you almost burst out laughing?Starts an inner mono-log with my brain.

Brain:What in Sam's hell is this shit..................
Me:Oooooooooooooh yeah,T told you brain positive thinking will take you     everywhere................ahhahah all those stupid lectures about my future,degree,life and blah blah blah.
Brain:Hey man don't be a dick, so what if this paper is easy I was only looking out for your best interests *insert deep emotional speech*
Me:Cry me a river brain.............oh wait you don't have tear ducks motherfucker!
Brain:.........................................................
Me:Hey brain can I have the answer to question number one ?

So you're over question one with God like speed, you are thinking"that was easy now lets handle this paper", now question two is *insert math problem so hard that you have no hope of solving without the aid of the Internet(or some Asian kid)

Brain:didn't I te...
Me: dude shut up!

For those who don't do maths or understand it in any capacity (I wonder how you use money and get change lol)What I just described there would be like getting put in a room with no windows and being told that you are in a real life survival game and to survive you have to complete two tasks of which task one is open the door. Now you are there thinking.
Brain:Sounds simple enough and thats fifty percent of your tasks done, wow we really are lucky.
Me:I know right!Talk about dodging a bullet and here I thought it was gonna be like a saw movie.
Brain:Right leg,left leg,right leg,left leg,lift hand,breath in,grip the handle,breath out,pull the handle down,breath in,open door,breath out..........scream!?!?!?

Yup thats right ,they didn't tell you that task two was kill the mythical creatures on the other side of the door(with your bare HUMAN hands)!!!Then there you are feeling like a stark in game of throne or black guy in the following, heck any one in shingeki no kyojin but can't ask for help since its  a test and all.So I will never fall for that again now I only rejoice after I do the whole paper#liveandwelearn#goshhashtaggingissocool#whynot

Guys this isn't me begging for moral support in the comment section below ,its me wasting time...procrastinating instead of reading my flippen books and my brain keeps giving me lectures and showing me images of my future mowing lwans and flipping burgers at McDonalds as way to motivate me ...........really wish I could get rid of that judgmental-preachy prick but sadly without  abrain I couldn't enjoy movies like inception or the darknight since they deal with complex ideas and deep psychological themes but rather I would be there enjoying stupid second rate movies like man of steel or twilight.I wont fib though,I kinda want to know am not alone.

This reminds me of my pussy-less yet pressure free highschool days *sigh* you know what I mis most about highschool ?Sleep!Getting home at a reasonable hour and fucken sleeping yet managing to produce grades that wouldn't let my parents consider disowning me for wasting their money. Fusk am really screwed guy I mean at this rateI think I should have just taken the tuition fees in hundred dollars bills and just burnt it infront of my parents at the start of the semester atleast that way they could see what was happening to it you know?

Brain: Dont forget the food and rent costs.
Me:Dude dont be a smart ass.
Brain:Well am a brain so by default am uber smart, any moronic decisions by you only reflect your inability to fully utilize me.
Sanchez:Just for that am ordering a slushy...extra ice!
Brain:Nooooooooooooo not the brain freezer,please am sorry man.........come man be  reasonable.

Anyway thats the college struggle!!!!!1

My greatest fear!

I use 2 because I dont wanna gamble with to or too , its the difference between being well read and being stupid.......the stakes r 2 high for my liking.

MOAPAYMTTUTHOTBPOTSA1

Memoirs Of A Post Adolescent Young Man Trying To Understand The Happenings Of This Blue Planet Orbiting The Sun At 1700km/h (A young man's guide through life and its challenges)   .....I guess since your reading this your a young man (if your not sure may I suggest you get up pull down your pants,skirt or kilt and look at your groin section and make a logical deduction with the aid of google) Now I assume your biggest problem in life is women unless you found a loophole in the system and went homosexual .Tis real simple all you need to know is that there are only two kinds of women across the globe

First kind
Women who are your relatives

Second kind
Women who will give you pussy

The rest can be ignored as they dont matte in the grand scheme of things,well things pertaining to your life...........I mean they could die for all you care.There you have it!

The reason am not a chirstian (a funny/sad story from my childhood)

I think the reason am not a christian is both funny and messed up now that I think about it ,its because when I was eight my mother took me to a catholic school...........you go in wanting to learn the word but the catholic church just beats religion out of you and am not talking about the boring masses or the military feel of it all.Before I get into that a little back story is required, now my family was middle class African which is another way of saying dirt broke buuuuuut still having enough money for a house,clothes,food and school fees.So my Dad got a promotion and as a result I left my government school to go to one of the top schools in the country .I knew it was one of the top schools in the country because I took a white index (White index= take any school,event or location and divide the number of  white people by the number of black people and if its greater than one its positive)so when I got to this school I made my first white friend Jim(Not his name but you will see why I had to change it )and I fucken loved Jim.Jim used to tell stories about how he didn't take shit from his parents and that made him like superman to me  and he also used to draw these dungeon games on paper which we would play with dice ( I know its die but it sounds weird okay), I loved this game because no-one got beaten at the end which was a rarity for any game I played back at my government school..........ball goes through your legs.........beatings.............If you dint find everyone in hide and go seek............beatings..........duck duck beatings, sometimes the game itself would consist of nothing but beatings.Now Jim was cool until he became an alter boy ,he started acting depressed ,stopped telling stories or drawing dungeons and since I was nine rather than ask my friend what was wrong I thought fuck him with a white index of 1.74 it wouldn't be too hard to find a new white friend to replace him.One day Jim ran towards me with tear filled eyes and said"I need to tell you something but you cant tell anyone because if my parents  find out bishop Paul said I will go to hell.........................Bishop Paul put his willy in my mouth, it was rock hard and he peed white stuff into my mouth.", now I understood that someone putting their willy into your mouth and peeing was disgusting but Jim was being a wuss ,we put disgusting shit in our mouths all the time, infact it was our shtick so I went "So what man,stop crying and get over it,I mean Larry ate two logs of dog shit for a dollar this past week", this seems cruel but in my defense the nine year old me didn't understand the concept of sex,oral sex or rape and he didn't know what an erect penis was let alone semen so as far as he was concerned Jim was making this shit up.It wasn't until two years later when I was watching my first porno on boobs dot com that all these concepts I had heard in passing started to make sense and the first thought that popped into my head was "Oh fuck they raped Jim" from that day anytime I think of Jim instead of seeing my cool first white friend with gonads the size of balloons and amazing dungeon making skills, I see this scared little boy who got abused because he was scared of some lake of fire in some book and that just ruined that book for me.

Instagram the last photoshop !

Duckface, middle finger, bathroom shot, exposed boob cleavage

Long ago, the 4 selfies lived together in harmony, but then everything changed when the duckface attacked. Only the photoshop, master of all selfies, could stop it. But when social networks needed it most, it vanished. My Facebook friends and I discovered the new Photoshop, a site called Instagram. And sure it's picture filters a great, but it's got a lot learn before it's ready to edit anyone's pics. But I believe...

Instagram can make the world look more attractive than they are... *Avatar Music Plays*

This post is rated (Br) for bromantic, so nohomos are assumed.

So I had just struck out with this chick and my homie saw the dejection on my face, so he grabbed me and gave me a full on hug and whispered in my ear,"Chez go try again, you cant miss cuz you look like a Hemsworth", to which I replied "what do you mean by that", he sed "it means ur the pinnacle of male beauty.",fairplay reterospectively that was weird but it was the push I need.This post was brought to u by bro Inc home of the coolest stories

The truth in farts

Today I've had an epiphany, and have realized something about judging people based on presumptions we make of them.

While coming home from College, I ended up sharing the same walking route as this sweet looking old lady who was a few metres ahead of me. Emphasis on "sweet looking". Because throughout this little trip, the moment she felt my presence behind her, she began to nervously look back, and forth and around, sorta scoping the area for if she was alone. At first I ignored this, but then each time she stared back at me, she gradually increased her walking pace little by little until she turned by a corner. I was instantly offended to some degree because it seemed that she was suspicious of me, under the impression that because there was a black guy who just happened to be walking behind her, her purse was apparently going to get stolen.

I thought to myself how furious I was at this, how certain people can have the nerve to just look at someone and instantly assume the worst. Seriously?? What's was her dea...

And right there. I breathed in the horrid gas cloud she left behind...and it immediately became clear. She wasn't trying to avoid me specifically based on some misguided racial stereotype concern for safety. She simply wanted to skilfully hide her fart, and had to make sure the coast was clear.

Needless to say. I was ok with inhaling an old lady fart. Somehow that disgusting aroma spiritually settled me, it was a well deserved punishment for conversely assuming the worst out of other people. Based on my own misplaced racial self-gratification.

Being black or any other minority race doesn't automatically make you a target or a "helpless victim" of profiling. Yes, there will always be some idiot who shows up to cause trouble for people. But there's no point scraping the barrel for the most slightest discriminative implications just to make a point.

You just end up judging people to cover your own insecurities.

Girl and high heels

So I hit the nightclub with my friend and his cousin this weekend. Loud ear-banging music, epilepsy inducing flashing lights, and the thick smell of sweat. You know how it is. Didn't really expect much to be honest. But I surprisingly had a good time. The highlight of my night was when I saw this one quirky girl dancing, she was wearing a simple blue dress and puma sneakers. Most of her friends and the guys in the club sorta pointed and mocked and laughed at her for it. Though of course, she laughed along with them. The night was fairly eventful. A few hours later, the party was wrapped up, and it was time to head home. Everyone was drunk out of their skulls, and could barely hold themselves up.

Majority of the overdressed girls fumbled along trying to maintain balance on their ridiculously high heels, whereas others complained and moaned on their bare feet, without any shoes on while walking down the cold streets of Edinburgh. I silently mocked them and jested my way home with my friend.

Except on my way, I saw that one girl again. Blue Dress, Puma Sneakers. Still wearing them. She was walking just fine, without a care. Cause unlike the other rambunctious girls. She actually came prepared to dance, and walk the trip home. She was still with her tired group of female companions who had mocked her earlier, except now they were sloppishly carrying their broken heels, dragging their aching feet along the wet roads. Couldn't help but smile at the pleasant irony of the night.

That girl...

Cow and chicken

Mama had a Chicken! Mama had a Cow!

Dad was proud! He didn't care how!

Or so Mama thought. Truth was, Dad knew all along. What Mama did to him, was certainly very wrong. Ever since months ago, Dad knew Mama was acting different. She cheated on him. But to be fair, Mama didn't know what to do. Cause Dad was working late nights, and barely had any time for her. Mama was confused and very lonely, she understood the financial situation, and yet still wanted and needed to feel loved.

So she kept visiting the farm, where the animals gave her the comfort and attention she desired. A little too much. 10 months later. Chicken was born. Dad was shocked and infuriated. He didn't how to deal with having a chicken for a son, and neglected both his wife and his child. But that didn't help at all, cause Mama still felt unloved. Dad ignored her coldly.

Eventually , Mama went back to the farm cause nobody else would talk to her. This time. She was pregnant with a cow. And Dad definitely knew it wasn't his. Doctor said Mama's body wouldn't survive, and she was going to die giving birth to it. So Dad desperately tried to find a solution. He found another doctor who could deliver the baby without Mama dying in the process. At a special cost. He agreed to it, but it turns out, that he was tricked by a Red Guy, who was in fact the Devil!

Dad unknowingly sold Mama's and his soul. And after Cow was born. He couldn't take it. His mental stability deteriorated as he tried to tolerate everything that was happening in his life, and he figured the only way now was to passion kill both him and Mama. But that didn't work, cause since they sold their souls to the Devil, they couldn't die now. And were trapped in their inescapable reality. Attempting to kill themselves, they had inadvertently lost their upper bodies. The psychological and physical trauma was far too much for them, and they gradually began to lose their minds until they finally mentally collapsed. Time went by as they laughed hysterically each day trying to cope with it all. While still trying to raise their kids...

Cow and Chicken!

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na....Naaaaaa!